rainy days & nicotine

Rainy days spent waking to an empty bed The smell of fruit and nicotine, aroma fills my head Promised mom I wouldn't smoke, guess that's another one broken Hate the ways I say "I love you" when I'm suffocating, choking On an identity I'd given up long ago Doubt there is much left for me, I've given up my hope I've spent my days like currency, I will not die broke You wouldn't love me if you managed to remove this mask Last one who did ghosted me, the one before that cracked Under the pressure, deserted me forever That's why I'm insecure and don't want to die alone, together Tastes like heaven, I am starving for companionship Devoured love like loneliness, and that is rather hard to pen Words are really cheap so I have taught myself to speak less Not that I did that much before, but now it really seems this Life that I have lived thus far has been giving me a sign That it doesn't have to be like this; I could really say goodbye Silence does more for me than conversations ever could Those conversations with myself really never did much good I am my own worst enemy, first place through last Mount my head up on a spike; like the warlords of the past Maybe then they could be silenced, those thoughts seem not to come from me That voice, it sounds familiar, yet vague, it's like a memory