sinking ships

Feeling lost and alone inside a sinking ship Constant state of sheer disgust and honest loneliness I miss when your hand was mine and mine alone I miss when I ever felt like coming home Days lately spent stressed, no idea of what comes next Edge of my bed with pen and paper, how do I express What makes me feel so empty inside Like a part of my identity has suddenly died And I am writing this eulogy to be read aloud by my family Friends and those that know me know this isn't what I wanted to be Not that I knew what I wanted to be at all, Stopped knowing what life was supposed to mean, thrills came to a stall A standstill, frozen frames of sheer panic Maybe i just need your hand to hold, and it's Always something that I'm chasing to express "I won't feel so alone if I have this," unless I finally get what I was chasing End of it all, I still end up hating who i am Standing at the edge of cliffs and ledges, why am I Scared to be who I really am You wouldn't accept that, or me, or anything i stand for Always grasping at something that I really need more But I have everything I need Except for means to express the thoughts inside my head Screaming at me that I am better off dead I accept that I am no longer needed But the scars on your legs tell me a whole different side of things I loved you the same, the knife you dug through me denied that you Ever loved me at all; but the wounds on you will heal, the ones inside of me won't At the end of it all, I had given up hope I was at the lowest point of my life I was ready to say goodbye But I didn't, I was too cowardly Look where I am now, honestly I doubt I'd be here if it wasn't for Finding another life to lead, something that means more than anything I'd ever done before I miss you and hate you and love you, and despite what you've done I cannot forgive you So I must move on