Holiest Day of the Year

It's the holiest day of the whole damn year And the miracles performed are quite astounding The lame stand up and walk The deaf, and blind, and mute start to hear, and see, and talk And it feels like anything could wind up happening It's the holiest day of the whole damn year And the miracles performed are only growing stranger I heard a man rose up out of his tomb And started doing somersaults right across the room But still, I can't shake this feeling of impending danger It's the holiest day of the whole damn year And the miracles performed have kind of left me jaded I accidentally stepped on a crack I got a call my mother fell down and broke her back But I'm pretty sure those two incidents were completely unrelated It's been raining bread all weekend Since before the sky went dark I thought that that was inconvenient Then it started raining rocks And when I touch them, they start weeping And their tears turn into blood And I have tried apologizing But I can't seem to quell the flood And now this donkey's yelling at me But I can't tell what he wants He's pretty hard to understand With water spewing from his jaw I heard a trumpet sound this morning And the walls around me fell I heard a rumor that this guy got straight up eaten by a whale It's the holiest day of the whole damn year And the miracles performed are designed to hurt me I said I'd help you cut some berries for the top of your cake But when the knife pierced through the skin, I felt my own heart break And I just chopped away, because you didn't try to stop me