Two Wild Uncles Killing to the Beat

The rain sputtered from the night sky like a leaky faucet October twentieth Tony Gloop has been cooped up in this creaky log cabin Deep in the Bornholm Island of Denmark He thought to himself how unusual the rain was As he hid himself away on this so called sunshine island He knew that winter was soon approaching And that he would be trapped in the woods for another season 'He paced around the small living room His thoughts sliding around in his head so quickly He could only process the drone of the gentle rain Pitter-pattering on his window pane He peeked his head out from behind his curtains To check the surroundings outside Tony looked down at the gun in his hand and felt pissed Someone had ratted him out He didn't know who or why But he knew that he would soon be discovered He thought for a moment About making a run for it in the chilly rain But he knew it was better to end This whole deal right here and now And what better place to end it in the middle of nowhere Miles from anyone he knew Tony walked into his bathroom And splashed some water on his face He stood there in silence gazing at his reflection All of this for what he asked himself Suddenly he took the butt of his gun and shattered the glass As he left the bathroom he went over to the window again He froze as he looked out Coming through the trees he saw a dark figure Slinking through the foliage He knew right away It couldn't be anyone other than Steve Ferguson Steve the douchebag Tony Had the displeasure of knowing all too well Oh Tony knew about Steve His large arms and ample balls Tony gulped at the thought Of finally coming face to face with Steve After all these years of hiding He knew that Steve was a hungry cold-blooded Heartless motherfucker with a thirst for blood He was an unfortunate douchebag an entrepreneur of evil He was the kind of person who wouldn't even save an infant Stuck in a drain pipe In fact he was probably the person who put it there But not even someone as sick and demented as Steve Had any idea what Tony had planned The rain poured down like pole vaulting hawks Harder and faster with each passing moment Tony stepped out into the storm Gun hidden behind his back in his trousers Steve slowed his approach to a halt Do you know why I'm here shouted Steve Tony glared back of course he knew How could he forget Steve brandished his very large kitchen knife and shouted You ruined my nephew's birthday party I'm gonna kill you He's my nephew too you jackass Tony said As he fingered the trigger of his gun I thought we said we were over what happened Tony laughed knife in hand And slowly advanced toward the small cabin The two locked eyes like a pair of eagles Fighting over a shredded mouse corpse on boxing day As soft Appalachian folk music lazily climbs over the air Into the ear drums of all those at the festival But it wasn't a festival Nor were festivities taking place However a slaughter was going to occur All I did was buy him a green slinky Tony yelled over the rain My green slinky was greener and slinkier And you know it you simple bitch He only liked yours because he opened it first said Steve What the f*ck else was I supposed to buy him That's all he asked for said Tony You've got some fat balls Steve exclaimed Tony sighed nervously let's not fight Shut the hell your mouth yelled Steve Just then he rushed at Tony with knife raised high Tony grabbed the gun But it slipped out of his waistband and onto the ground He dove for it as Steve jumped on top of him Tony felt the warmth wash over him as he felt the knife Plunge deep into his collarbone He swung himself around and fired the gun Three times into Steve chest And once into each of his gargantuan balls Steve went limp on top of Tony And the men embraced each other Steve whispered softly into Steve's ear Reach into my coat pocket Struggling to breathe as he choked on his own blood Tony reached into Steve's coat pocket with trembling hands His body tensed up with what little energy he had left His finger closed on the circular plastic rings He pulled the object out and looked at it It was beautiful he could see the sea and hear the waves In the deep hues that sprung forth into his retinas It was a slinky The most beautiful slinky that he had ever seen in his life Happy birthday Steve said with his last breath Tony started sobbing softly As he knew he had been bested