Gelded

Sabered hands of a pact Cut above the rest Life struck me from the breast Drug my feet, spun 22 round the sun, tried turning gainst it Insecurities buried deep in my resentments I was never one of the boys I thought the violence could mend it I thought the hiding could mend it I'll dim my light so long it's like I never had it Three fingers pointing back, my defensive tactics Emotionally codependent, I broke my friendships Overproofed and let em have it, my hands clasping at the wind I remember my cousins would laugh, I'd get slapped as a kid Aftermath, I'm barely bothered but I wonder what the f*ck it did Couldn't tell the size of my hand with you wrapped round my fist They closed my father's casket when you still sat with my kicking Dragging us out the wreck Trying to sidestep my own resentments Mad at you for holding my hand Mad you ain't raise a man Razor aimed at my skin Mad at you for not doing shit for me I should've did for myself Not appreciating you did what you can Blaming you for loving me, breeding anxiety in me I be scared to land Self-hatred keep me from starting new I hated myself for everything I am It's all I knew 4 am breaking Cardi bottles in my room Slept 3 months in the glass Side stepping my demons My grandma died at 58, you keep on reminding me Cognitive dissonance, I keep pretending that time won't come for me Time won't come for you Time won't come for you Time won't come for you Time won't come for you Life too comfortable