mixed thoughts

I've been going on my own Stone cold faced, that's what I've been told Thoughts telling me I'll never be enough Sick of being tired, but I wake up, the days already old But, keeping to myself is such a curse, it's getting worse I said I'd never be back here But here we are, sad and alone That's really all I got to show Pain sticking with me through everythin', all the time Fake smile on my face, but it just wants to fade Reaper in my speakers Fight them every dang day No one ever said they wanted me until I fade away Then its back to the old me, myself, and I But little do they know, I'm dyin' on the inside Night is where I struggle most Staring at ceiling, thats all I really got to boast I sit wanting to cry, but the tears stay internal Been told to keep a journal But my mind is just jumping into the inferno Standing on my own Been trying to make this known Texts coming in, heart jumps Then afterwards it goes and slows Just a wilted rose Tatted till the day I die But all I can do is honestly just stay alive I've been going on my own Stone cold faced, that's what I've been told Thoughts telling me I'll never be enough Sick of being tired, but I wake up, the days already old But, keeping to myself is such a curse, it's getting worse I said I'd never be back here But here we are, sad and alone That's really all I got to show Pain sticking with me through everythin', all the time Fake smile on my face, but it just wants to fade Why's depression on my brain? Wanted to write letters to make people cry Guess I do that later in life Eternally alone, the hells wrong with me? Honestly ran away to keep myself from running to- My head is such mess How can I clean up when I'm so depressed? Cloudy skies, honest pessimistic issues I've really tried to find the balance For the pain that's in my mind Walking alone is honestly such a vibe Most nights are a constant struggle Where's my soul? Can't ever seem to find it On the endless toll of a pain-stricken road Painful thoughts finally ceasing But still, write these songs to vent the load Finally breaking