my own personal hell

Yeah I've took a glimpse inside myself just to see if I was worthy of life I guess I've tried to keep it movin' like I'm gon' be alright But it's fine I've made it this far by myself so that's commendable I'm farther than where I thought I would kill myself in general The big 2-0 But God bless I'm 21 now And I prolly should be drinking somewhere outside having fun now But I'm up at 3am on a day that I'm having class Up in my note app writing poems just to let the time pass There's nothing stopping the consensus that's been given at birth I slide through all these corporate meetings just to know that I'm cursed This nappy head and this dark skin that sits above of my shirt That makes these people tend to think that I won't put in the work Or all this history I've learned of niggas under the dirt And people tend to skip our issues just to put others first I think it's funny how this started from a simple possession But through my demons I've done figured out how things really work They tell me please keep fighting battles that I've already lost And just please keep giving freedoms that are more than they cost I heard our culture's seen as posh but I don't know where I'm from But I've felt the fear you feel when you're in front of a gun Ain't that sum I've spent way too much time back tracking just to prove myself That I should keep living Running through ramen packets while I'm eyeing knives in the kitchen And Christians are real scared of Hell but Hell's the shit that I live in Yeah Hell's the shit that I live in Yeah We're stuck inside our own personal hell And I don't know just what to do I think I might have to bail Life is hard and I just know that it's only get harder But it seems like that I am destined just to see that I'll fail We're stuck inside our own personal hell And I don't know just what to do I think I might have to bail Life is hard and I just know that it's only get harder But it seems like that I am destined just to see that I'll fail I think it's funny how this hate for my skin started in church I thought that trauma came from issues That just press on the hurt but it's the little things The looks, the tone, the fear inside of their eyes I was receiving all those slurs by whites when I was just 9 I tried to be the bigger person, tried to see from their eyes I tried to be the better Christian, tried to show them I'm nice But you can't change someone's traditions when they knew their whole life You can only break the world and toss the shards in their eyes I've lost the fear of death when I knew I had plenty of options If human lives were truly priceless we would never be auctioned Move in caution, I know I seemed like I could understand your pain But no one truly knows the hurt I feel I'm just shuffling through time till I can't march up these hills I'm just pushing all this music just to numb how I feel I'm just telling them I'm fine but I know this shit ain't real I'm just telling them I'm fine but I know this shit ain't real Yeah We're stuck inside our own personal hell And I don't know just what to do I think I might have to bail Life is hard and I just know that it's only get harder But it seems like that I am destined just to see that I'll fail We're stuck inside our own personal hell And I don't know just what to do I think I might have to bail Life is hard and I just know that it's only get harder But it seems like that I am destined just to see that I'll fail