love myself

Lying wide awake and I'm alone Solo so I don't pick up the phone Pain builds, heart breaks, where did I go wrong? I wish I knew how to love myself No prayers cause he always lets me down I'm forced to walk around with a smile Where do I go now? I wish I knew how to love myself I don't wanna be the crutch I don't wanna be the one that people call in a rut I got a lot of pain of my own I'm trying to heal So, when you tell me all your problems I don't know how to feel Late nights are the worst for me and honestly They bring out the worst in me I'm probably Lying when I say that everything's just fine Cause I haven't been fine since my momma died I've been searching for happiness in people and places Tryna find love in familiar faces Tryna find the true meaning of myself All while living in a world of Hell Suicidal thoughts come and go to me But I don't wanna die I just wanna get relief I want to finally be the one that someone comes to save But I guess that I'll be waiting for another day as I'm Lying wide awake and I'm alone Solo so I don't pick up the phone Pain builds, heart breaks, where did I go wrong? I wish I knew how to love myself No prayers cause he always lets me down I'm forced to walk around with a smile Where do I go now? I wish I knew how to love myself I've always been the crutch Always been the one that people seem to call for stuff But I'm also the one that they seem to forget Everytime that they want to plan events I'm told not to hate myself but it's so easy Do you know what it's like to feel so empty? I always get a feeling like you don't need me And if you don't need me, I feel that you don't see me Do you know the feeling of talking all day on the phone To your mom then 4 hours later she's gone? Sitting alone in an empty funeral home Putting your lips to her forehead and the feelings cold Then you blame yourself cause you moved from home Knowing she was worried for her son to go on his own Always having to be the one to go and break the mold Thinking if things would be different if I didn't go now I'm Lying wide awake and I'm alone Solo so I don't pick up the phone Pain builds, heart breaks, where did I go wrong? I wish I knew how to love myself No prayers cause he always lets me down I'm forced to walk around with a smile Where do I go now? I wish I knew how to I love myself for all that I've accomplished Building something from nothing was my only option Being a star has always been in the cards No matter the circumstances, I beat the odds I find real hope through my daughters My greatest achievement was becoming a father No matter the relationships I fail at I know that a dad is something I'm great at You could never take that away from me You'll never make me feel bad for trying to be The example to my kids of a success story Instead of working for free, I'll always follow my dreams And I know that I can be a difficult person I'm a stress case when I always seem to be working But I chase this dream cause I need it for me To know that I did something right finally Why do the ones I love be so quick to stab me Oh so you wanna kill my dreams Go ahead and tell me everything I'm not What you think I didn't know those things No longer looking for love through my family tree No longer trying to be the man that yall want me to be I'm not into building bonds y'all went and broke This is my story and that's all she wrote now I'm Lying wide awake and I'm alone Solo so I don't pick up the phone Pain builds, heart breaks, where did I go wrong? I wish I knew how to love myself No prayers cause he always lets me down I'm forced to walk around with a smile Where do I go now? The world makes hate myself Alright son