T.T.I.D.F.L. (The Things I Do For Love.)

(Bela velha onda azul do mar) Boa, boa que o tempo voará Meu pensamento a viajar Entre um presente incerto E a bela velha onda azul do mar Yo, my girl prolly sick of hearing when I rap about my exes But I can only clean if I acknowledge all my messes Only fair that this a topic I'm addressing because I been confronting all my feelings, tryna learn from all my lessons I had a less than perfect adolescence I started being guided by my fears instead of seeking out my blessings I guess it didn't help whenever I would leave the shell That I was treated like I'm lesser cause I'm bigger than the rest is So, if I met a shorty who was fucking with the boy It was harder to believe whenever she would pass the message I didn't get the story, was distracted by the noise So, they kinda got annoyed, I ain't tell 'em where my head is I always found it hard to open up, though I was preaching transparency I was always one to keep 'em guessing And I was still convinced that after they had come and had a fair share of me Then it would be time to make an exit (I remember when I was young, there was a song about them He could not do anything without telling her) Boa, Boa que o tempo voará (understand me, baby) Meu pensamento a viajar Entre um presente incerto E a bela velha onda azul do mar (I'm trying) I tried to force it out, I started whoring round Was learning 'bout black beauty from the horse's mouth It was the only way I figured I could scorn the doubt But soon my worth was measured by my intercourse amount I treated lovely women terribly to thwart a drought My sex appeal became a god, and I was more devout I didn't think I needed therapy, I scored without But even coping methods show you when you've worn 'em out I was less happy, more lonely, more unfulfilled So, I stepped back and pored over what I could feel Coulda sworn I had peaked, fucking stormed up the hill But the strides I had made at the core wasn't real I took a little time for re-examining the policy Grasping what I wanted, understanding what was stopping me Questioning my actions, reprimanding my hypocrisies So maybe she could really handle all of me, yo Boa, Boa que o tempo voará Meu pensamento a viajar Entre um presente incerto E aquela velha onda azul do mar Saying that I made mistakes would be putting it mild It was days I couldn't take all the ruinous doubts Times I let my own brain end up dulling a smile 'Til today my heart sinks at particular sounds Sometimes I knew better, but I acted a fool I tried a new era, with the past as a boon But being self-aware was really only half of the tools You gotta work it every day before it's natural to you the validation that I craved would never come from without Cause loving someone starts with love you show yourself in the now I had to stop my self-esteem from being easily downed I had to face the waves of feelings, coulda easily drowned I had to feel like I was needed around But in the losses of some people that was where it was a piece of me found And now I'm closer to the peak than the ground and fully sure that I'd proud as hell if younger me was seeing me now (With her, it was different. It had been from the very first There was never a superior half at his elbow, wearing a patronizing smile)