If I...

I don't understand myself, life is unbelievable Only a few years ago my family had never even owned a vehicle I remember falling asleep to lullabies Of gangfights and drive-by's Yet something about that life was so nice No sleepless nights, no internal fights Now that I've moved on in life Moved to a more secure place, Somehow I feel less safe As if someone took away the sunny days I don't understand why the hell I feel this way My mood changes so many times throughout the day If life isn't so bad then why am I so sad? I suppose it could be much worse, I could be in Syria So I really shouldn't complain Yet there's there's this pain embedded in my brain I tried hard to remove it, but no matter what I do, yet it remains If I'm so good, and excel at this shit... Then tell me... Why can't I make a damn hit? If I'm so amazing and you love me Then tell me... Tell me why, I feel so ugly? If I'm so adored that peeps want to be my homie Then why.... In the hell do I feel so lonely? If I'm alive and should be content... Then why? Tell why the hell my whole world is bent? I'm finally getting props, people keep bumping my tracks like "Heyo, Hop, keep it up with the raps" Yet I still wish I could take it allback Somehow I make the best music, when I'm at my worst When I'm angry or depressed is when I spit my best verse I suppose it's a gift, but it's also a curse I'm at a cross roads, and I don't know what to make of this I have the mind of a god, and the heart of an atheist If smart went crazy, then I am the craziest It's a constant battle, between the genius and madness Producing greatness out of turmoil and sadness I have a picture to paint, these beats are my canvas I wonder, will I ever reach my goal? The weather outside matches perfectly with what you can find Inside my soul It feels so dark, everything is grey and goddamn cold If I'm so good, and excel at this shit... Then tell me... Why can't I make a damn hit? If I'm so amazing and you love me Then tell me... Tell me why, I feel so ugly? If I'm so adored that peeps want to be my homie Then why.... In the hell do I feel so lonely? If I'm alive and should be content... Then why? Tell why the hell my whole world is bent? I feel out of place, like I don't belong Don't know how to do anything else, so I pen this song I suppose people will listen, they might even relate If what I'm doing is so great then why is there so much hate? Why does time pass by so fast when I'm having fun Yet every second feels like an eternity when I'm down in the slums? I suppose that's relativity I think I lack the right ability to be feeling free There's something inside that's always willing me to write About the ills I see so the only time I feel at ease And find some inner peace is rhyming over ill ass beats I hate long nights where I explore my mind, and find where the darkness dwells I suppose the hardest thing is just to be yourself People seem to sense greatness in me But when I stare at the mirror I don't see what they see Regardless I'll continue to write cuz I have a drive This is like breathing to me, homeboy, I need it to survive If I'm so good, and excel at this shit... Then tell me... Why can't I make a damn hit? If I'm so amazing and you love me Then tell me... Tell me why, I feel so ugly? If I'm so adored that peeps want to be my homie Then why.... In the hell do I feel so lonely? If I'm alive and should be content... Then why? Tell why the hell my whole world is bent?