Grenades

My whole life has been a fight I'm constantly losing Love hate relationship, some say it's abusive My conclusion is I have to live more conducive And ruthless according to careers I'm pursuing I'm a failure sometimes I feel like I don't belong here People take you at your word, actions are insincere To be clear, I won't adhere to the populous I can't change the world around me so I'm stuck in Providence The pressure keeps building, I start to inhale I'm never gonna make it, just accept it - you failed This is my breath, so when I feel these chest pains I can't escape... than I blow up like grenades My egos inflated, sense of self gets absorbed I've done shows in New York but I've never really toured I can't afford to go out on a limb just yet I'd rather blame pay to play for my lack of success Great connections take kinetic energy but I sit Listening to time's echo boom with each tick Running out like hourglasses sands pour and drift With each turn and twist, another paradigm shift Gloves equipped to hands only war entertained Salted taste, a veteran recognizing his fate Completely fazed, memory haze unerased Blinded, crazed, blowing up like grenades Exposing my bitter face while bridges disintegrate Bad habits rarely change, mistakes forever remain Subdued, let loose through grooves I stepped to But finding new reasons to doubt my chess moves And it's hard to acknowledge my lack of progress I'm a rapper that pretends to be socially conscious Selling music online for insufficient funds Constantly obsessing over things I haven't done This is too much, I can't take it anymore I'm never gonna change, I'm the same as before Feeling drained... that my writing doesn't resonate Set to detonate and I blow up like grenades Music is a lifestyle... I don't wanna live it Because I have no fans and I'm my toughest critic I crave success to replace feeling confined Sadly the goals I set... are the ones I set aside I've made miscalculations of how life's supposed to go Fanbase grown, spotlights, headline shows Major sales, flashes, sunglasses status Pathless without action... why it hasn't happened I haven't conformed to how business cascades Falling into last place, it's all fast paced My worth trades like words exchanged on stage Take pressure off and I'll blow up like grenades Demonstrating charm and wit, accompanied with Honesty, grit, honestly it's honed my sales pitch My rhyming niche, cuts costs, split prints Problem is wealthy hearts won't displace pocket lint Look into my eyes, tell me what you're seeing If you go deep inside, you'll hear I'm still screaming That's why I keep going, hoping to make peace Don't hold onto something you intend to release Every hand I shake no longer holds weight And I wait for reimbursement every price I've paid No one trusts the business deals I've made Yet anticipate... I'll blow up like grenades