Letters

I wish there was something to save me Someone to pick me up when I'm on my knees I wish you were still here with me But I'll fight and fight in your loving memory Hopelessly seeking for my place In this world in between my nightmares I wish I'll find some comfort In this cold and painful life Head full of forbidden memories An empty hole replaced my heart There's beauty in this morbid discomfort In this horrid feeling of loneliness I wish I wasn't in distress I wish the beacon was right there But I can't see through this fog This poisonous mist devouring my thoughts Some paper and fire I'll burn all these letters! Walking on this tight rope Unable to see this Brighter future You promised me Falling in reverse I can't keep my head up I wish you could see What I tried to accomplish I stopped Dreaming A while Ago I wont Forget I wont Accept I am Broken I am Ashamed This suffering is killing me I wish I could feel again This sympathy you once showed me But there are no way back In my nightmare I'll see you again In my dreams I'll love you again Screaming for your help I Lost my voice I'm so confused What should I do? I swore to fight And to never give up I'll keep my promise Even if you're gone For once in my entire life I'd like to open up without hiding myself Behind a wall of romanticised allegories and images Talk about the pain I've been through for a decade now This is just me, writing an open letter to myself To tell me that's it's okay to be wrong It's okay to be sad and to feel low But it's never okay to give up and let your demons put you six feet deep I just want to talk to you, to me, to everyone in this goddamn World Everyone looking for a safe place to finally rest their mind It's never too late to start fighting And I've only learned this when I thought I gave up Tried to kill myself to avoid seeing these thoughts That are killing me each and every fucking day of my life I gave up, woke up, broken, in this Hospital Away from everything, just me, my books, my thoughts and my medicines I had time to reflect and to get back my will to fight So I chose to never give up again and to win this fight I chose to rebuild myself from scratch For you, that I call my friend, for you, that I call my Brother For you, that I used to call my lover who had to give up on me to save yourself This is all for you! To you, my mother, my father, my brother and my sister! To you my friend who left me here six years ago and I swore to never forget To you who joined her a few months ago To you who I broke the heart by not being enough Who I swore to give everything I ever own That I loved and cherished more than everything for every fucking day of my entire life To you that I call my friend but would love to call my Sweetheart To you that I promised a lot of things and let you all down To you, the family I've chosen, this huge and caring family I'm sorry I'm sorry I've been so weak I'm sorry I've let you down But this fucking song is the end of an era, and the beggining of a new one By wipping off the last tears from my face I'm saying farewell to the old me This is my swan song My apologies My rebirth Some paper and fire, I'll burn all these letters Some paper and fire, I'll burn all these letters