Still Alive

I've fallen down a lot the ground is never soft I been bruised scraped cut from landing on the rocks I developed tough skin but the pain is never lost This life taught me a lot so I'm glad I got the scars I remember playing at the yard by the park With a couple close friends now I don't know who they are We was tryna touch the sky didn't realize it's so far We'd never think for a second that growing up was hard Here's an ode to the old ways now we went our own ways We went different paths but we still remember closely I wish I was the old me ignorant but glowing Planning out my life age nine I wasn't joking Responsibilities why's it tryna limit me? Why they tryna hold me back from being what I'm meant to be? Is living misery? Is dreaming just a silent plea? Is getting what I want meant to always be a mystery? These thoughts are plaguing me I'm trapped inside the letter B Always fucking second guess a victory ain't meant for me I'm behind Bound by chains draining everything fulfilling me Guess home isn't a place just a memory that's breathing Days are dark and night is when my thoughts awake Swear I'm living backwards Death is in the breaths I take It feels that way it feels as if my souls contained A cage inside my brain it's not safe to face my mental state Sober's a dream a way and happiness is pills these days Guilt is knowing past mistakes and fear is why I lie awake Afraid to change afraid of risks I gotta take Afraid that if I rearrange I'm losing all that's left of me Ain't that insanity? I swear that that's insanity Doing same thing say "tomorrow is a different day" That's why I write my thoughts are real inside this page Music's more than noise it's the only way that I escape Internal torment a distorted sense of self importance Is deterministic in this lifestyle that I'm still conjoined with Ration the portions spreading thin what I was born with My body soul and mind intertwine create this being I'm bored with No nines or knives just an over active state of mind Deciding rules I follow that I hate but I still oblige A mental battle means there's no where I can really hide At least the tears I'm holding back remind me that I'm still alive