Alice Was Here

Wishing that I could stay right here Do not shift me Don't make me fear Sacred mountains Unknown regret Please remember Do not reflect I can sense the little signs All along my head Still remember... When they tried to paint me red The comfort they now bring Illustrates a disconnect Never forgive That we normalized the keys instead Because I'm feeling right, but still wanna leave Even when I hear your voice you're never truly here Standing behind a frosted window I'm trying to wipe clean Odd stares, laying in the corner because I'm always too near I feel the chains on my chest Hard to recognize when I was never free I'm sorry for staring at you in jealousy But you are just about everything I'm struggling to see in me Trying to admit, I was never clear Remember now? you don't have tears Stand up on order, but always on your knees All I can remember is Alice was here Put on pretty needles, but what I have seen... Locked upside down, worst kind of obscene I can be with you, but never steer All I know is that Alice was here So many thoughts, covered in fear My mind, illusory screen Breaking down, on the count of three I can still sense... Alice was here Feeling myself, inside of my ears Holding still, isolation kills. I feel like a puzzle, but the glass pieces are cracked All I can remember - do you want me back? Trying to remember when I last saw you Only a few days ago Trying to trust myself... But how do I never know... Disappearing when I try to materialize Forgetting what I already realized Knowing I am not to blame... But now I see nothing when I look into my eyes And I know you're there, I know we're here together I know we're one, we can't get away forever But I'm too scared, or maybe too clever To drown myself out, to start pulling levers... The faster the better the unforgiven letters all the skin I tore asking myself for favours So many strings for so many people, but I can just about never be able to play hers And I know everything keeps coming back It's been done before it can happen again It's only a few days... I just don't wanna go back to when I can call no boy a friend And I don't wanna fall away from your mysterious validation Hiding when I think of all the operations I hate that I just wanna drown inside of it all head first But why does it require so much patience? I never acted out what was always there I just want to be one of you so I don't have to be scared Try to open up to the world but it leaves me no air I'm the one who makes you happy, I'm the one that tears You can not see me when I'm trying to hide I'm sorry if I made you feel like I lied I just want to know what it's like to be a gift so I can finally be left behind