Long distance

I don't know what it means To be a decent human being Learning all of the loopholes to existing Came so easy Sounding boards of cardboard cutouts Gave me so much peace But in the end I still feel guilty Of the crime of being me And I never wanted to see me like this Upside down in the life that I've wasted I think that if I could just pick up the phone I'd forget about being alone But there's a funny little thing about me That I'll never tell you and you'll never see If only you knew what it means I don't know what it means To live freely; to die happy I ask too many questions And I've cut myself so deeply Getting bored of opening doors I wish that I was closing But in the end they beat me fair and square And no one will ever know me And I'm hiding in the bathroom I'm lying on the floor Cuz me and who I used to be Aren't friendly anymore I tried so hard to run away Oh, I tried to make believe But me and who I used to be aren't friendly I'm a leaf on a dying tree A thousand years old and ugly Clinging tightly through the breeze But my bravery can't save me So I'll never let go And nobody can change me Give me one reason to breathe And I swear I'll try to be happy If love was what I thought it would be Maybe I could stop hurting But honestly it's such a relief Being the bad guy in all of my dreams I think that I'm starting to see Why it had to be me And I never wanted to see me like this Upside down in the life that I've wasted I think that if I could just pick up the phone I'd forget about being alone But there's a funny little thing about me That I'll never tell you and you'll never see If only you knew what it means If only you knew what it means