Scars Of An Addict

I'll never forget it back when I was a kid Thinkin' life would never be like this Didn't think I would be in a hotel room with All the fuckin' highest And we gettin' way higher Tryin' not to let these feelings expire While we really tryin' to hide All the things that we keep inside You never picked it up for nothin You were tryin' to get rid of some mental infliction Never meant to turn it into somethin Never meant to make it an addiction But yeah, now here you are Wonderin' how you got here now How the f*ck did you end up in this room Full of addicts that you're in right now That back in the day when you had those addictions Right in your face And you tried to tell your friends That you don't really need these drugs But without them, then you feel out of place So you play those words right back in your head Try to retrace why you said what you said Tellin' your homies that you don't really need help Even though you be reachin' for it Sittin' in that hotel room with a bubble in your hand You go ahead and give it a twist Twirl it around in your fingers Let that spark hit the bubble Then melt that shit Twirl it around in your thumbs Inhale that to your lungs And tell your friends that you don't need help Will you apologize to your mom You say sorry, but it doesn't affect shit Cause you don't ever change those actions Tellin' your friends you can quit anytime that you want Tellin' them you are not an addict But that shit right there is denial Even though you wanna call it spirit Your friends tell you that this is a bad choice But you cut them off cause you never wanna hear it Till the moment that you start breakin' it down And realize that your real friends aren't around Sittin' in a hotel room full of strangers Wonderin' where your old friends are at right now Well they all went and started careers And started all of their families Readin' them messages that were sent from your mom And realizing that you took it all for granted So there you are, you're sober You went to rehab, big whoop What next? What's your next step Because what you choose to do next Decides if you stay clean Who are you gonna cut off What are you gonna change People, places, things So now here you are again Couple years sober up inside your head Got a little girl and a wife you love All it takes is one hit to get rid of that shit It's really hard to Say no, when your brain is tellin' you yes And it's really hard to say don't When your brain's convinced that it's bliss So you're sittin' there in your car, daughter's beside Hyperventilating with the tears in your eyes A couple years gone and you thought that the cravings would be gone But to hear they are back in your mind Tellin' you to go and pick up your phone Go and pick up a supply Hit up your dealer Give him the money you need to go fill up your pipe and get high That is the moment you take it And then you get high and you hate it It's been a couple years since you felt this way Now you wanna get higher to replace it How the f*ck do you walk in that house How do you look your daughter in the eyes Tell her everything's gonna be fine When you know truthfully it's not right How would you feel if that baby was taken away Taken away from your lies Blame it on your friends Blame it on your family Blame it on the law Blame it on the high Blame it on everything you can but yourself When yourself is the one who did it Blame everything that you can but I'm only gonna tell you once This is something that you committed This is a really hard thing to explain when it comes to addiction What people don't understand is this is a disease And it does take over our minds And once you have fallen for that drug of choice The rest of your life is spent trying to stay away from it It's not about getting clean It's not about having an idea of getting clean In the end of it all It's about staying clean 2%