Letter I Never Sent

Sitting in this dark room staring at walls Our beautiful family use to fill this home with love When i pushed you away, you didn't budge I tried to protect you from me I started to implode Couldn't stand to see crying every night sleeping alone Wondering where I was, I wouldn't answer the phone I was buzzed, I was drunk and drifting Filling my vices every night with different women (I hate this feeling) I took a good woman and brought her down to my level Couldn't see you above me Took the happiness out of your eyes Couldn't see you was drowning I continued to lie You gasping for air, I looked the other way Just to keep you right here Sitting next to me Hidden from the world I'm sorry gurl my heart was once pure You didn't deserve this As I write I'm nervous Hands shaking drawing the curtains I'm sorry I'm not perfect I don't think you understand who I am now I don't think you knew me back then If you asking if I'm to blame right now I'll tell you I'm ashamed Replaying all the faded memories now Watching as the seasons change If you're wondering if I'm ok right now I'll tell you I'm not the same (I'm not ok) Man the ego really get you tripping Have you stop listening to your intuition Sinning becoming second nature Because you playing the victim In your own story But his and her story Has now become history Kept you as company for my misery Can't say you sorry for what you did to me Didn't do anything I disagree You enabled me, your family labeled me Put me in a box I don't think you understand who I am now I don't think you knew me back then If you asking if I'm to blame right now I'll tell you I'm ashamed Replaying all the faded memories now Watching as the seasons change If you're wondering if I'm ok right now I'll tell you I'm not the same (I'm not ok) So I say sorry tonight Lord forgive me For the wrongs I have done The pain that I caused The people that I left behind It was my fault I was drunk I'm sorry Time to walk alone I don't think you understand who I am now I don't think you knew me back then If you asking if I'm to blame right now I'll tell you I'm ashamed Replaying all the faded memories now Watching as the seasons change If you're wondering if I'm ok right now I'll tell you I'm not the same (I'm not ok) (I'm not ok)