Real

I don't know if its real I don't know what to feel I been choking up still and I'm over the chills I still talk to the devil were close to a deal Find me roasting a bill shit I don't need no pills I think about quitting they hope that I will Listen to these words when I go like a will I'm broken there's kids out there quoting me still Lost focus but that's how I know that its real Just said goodbye to my brother Wish i was there more but we ride for each other Hate watching the family try to recover Rest in peace Mac I aint finding another High off some uppers I'm thinking of you I guess that's what that drinking'll do Spaced out as I sit in a room With some people I'm so fucking different to Not in the mood to get out of bed Popping some shrooms to get out my head They want me to lose, all I got is a noose If I use it then I won't feel left out again Pass me a pen imma write till I can't Don't ask me again imma die for this art I might need a mask just to hide all these scars I look up I still see your eyes in the stars Find me a glass let me pour up Having visions of my team on a tour bus Crowds growing we show up in numbers So try all you want but you just can't ignore us Been fighting and trying to stand on my feet I only fit in when I'm handed a beat Or on stage cause I'm used to them staring at me I'm an outkast for life I don't care what they think How could I ever trust someone else when I don't even trust my self How could I ever love someone else when I don't even love myself How could I ever trust someone else when I don't even trust my self I don't trust myself That's real now I gotta trap for a meal Tell me relax and I will When I'm back to the bills with my back to the bills No cap in my tracks I just rap what i feel Don't switch for the wave Been up drifting for the days Aint made shit but mistakes Face laid in the dirt I can say how the bitumen tastes Cause I watch as they're digging my grave She tells me she wanna know me but I look in her eyes and I feel like I know her already Feel nothing I'm staying low-key except when I'm with her but she doesn't know if she's ready So I aint staying sober its petty I know But when are demons are close, it gets heavy They all laughed when I said I had places to go Tried to shine but the coach wouldn't let me I'm done with the stress, its been up to my neck Can't escape it, I wake and I'm covered in sweat Should I jump off the edge cause I'm stuck in my head And the voices make me think I'd love to be next And I would tho Somedays I wish that I could go They can't read my mind but they should know The pain's deep inside if you look close I'm all good tho I try sleep to distract myself I can't eat I got packs to sell Don't speak to a rat cause a rat has a rat to tell I can't stop but you won't ever see me trapped in cells Back to hell That's where I'm living everyday Consider me deranged, thoughts riddling my brain They don't listen to my pain its like I didn't even say shit Ever since 8 I knew I'd never be the same kid