can't find the words

I woke up I Pack my suitcase I realize it's a case full of disappointment I move through life with some pessimistic motions I used to feel so oriented But now I sit back Simply try not to kick that Why is a bucket in my distance Now I get that Why is it in some morbid code Try to relax Do really wanna go I haven't relapsed You think this is a better way That method has a lot at stake I know you feel that suffocation Hands around your neck Wanna rip out your insides Can't give up just yet There will be better days Is that what you were told I know what you would say My mind has two halves I try to fight back My knuckles are bleeding Please try to see me I'm screaming out I'm asking for help Joke about it cause I can't get it out my mouth The silence grows loud Where am I now I can't fucking do this can't figure it out No I'm not letting go of you that easily I'm not letting that side win That's my final plead Throw me behind bars And that's okay with me So What I need you to know Is that you're needed People need to care for you despite feeling defeated You not left by windows Hoping they'll see in Had some trouble trying to breathe I'm scared you'll see that part of me If you were standing in front of me I couldn't find the words I have been feeling so weak Not so strong Losing that part of me I need you right here next to me But I can't find the words I can't do it I can't do this I don't really think I'll get through this I don't think I'm enough I have bruises I can't do it I can't Hello No one is available to take your call Please leave a message after the tone