Kids

Now I remember waking up mom and pops fighting Daddy say he love me But why he putting his hands on me Why these nights turn so ugly Can't even hug my momma  Without there being some trauma My pops would get jealous  Especially when had that brown liquor I use to stare in the mirror My nose bleeding I spoke when I wasn't posed to be speaking Momma coming home Better clean it up quickly I use to pray one day she would see it It seemed hopeless  Got me wondering what's my purpose Every time he hit me he said I deserved it Bruise's on my back I guess I earned it Would cry myself to sleep  I asked God to protect me Random nights pop would snatch me out my bed I was only ten Wondering if this living was better than death Cuz outside my home  I was alone  Ain't Nobody noticed it My friends wished their father was there Funny I never wanted him here Still to this day He's the person I fear Source of my pain and tears But what's it to the world they could never hear it Every day I could feel my spirit tearing Every day my emotions were disappearing Numb to it all  Days I couldn't feel it Days I couldn't feel Yeah Days I couldn't feel Days I couldn't feel Days I couldn't feel I hope you get what you paid for They say you reap what you sow How come I gotta own it How come I gotta answer my sister Why her daddy don't love her no more Why I gotta come home Ivana put a whole through the door Because she scared and PTSD got control Why I got watch my mother weep Because for 18 years she sat through this shit Just to find out you fucked another bitch You wished on my downfall Resented me because I highlighted your flaws My light was bright you tried to dim my star Tried to kill me that night I don't know if you ever heard my music  All the anger in my heart  I turned into a lyric And when I make it big Don't you ask me for shit Nigga when I see you in public I'm gonna make you feel pain  For every day I couldn't I need you to feel this Because I can't describe  What it was like to sleep outside Or run in hide  Because your mind is stuck on fight or flight Or dealing with thoughts of suicide You try your hardest but you're still defined But shit that was never yours to decide I hate you maufucka  But I still survived