Enough.

We were unhappy I was Unhappy I was insecure Angry At everything everyone Myself Her I felt like the world owed me more I felt like I owed myself more I hated who I thought I was And I directed that hate everyone around me I was hard to live with Probably still am to be honest But bad things happen Sometimes for no reason And sometimes as a result of our own actions I know what I caused And I think I got what I deserved I was angry about it for a long time I felt abandoned I never once thought about why people would leave in the first place I just felt victimized I held on to it Became more toxic Made everything worse for everyone around me So they left In reality I wasn't taking care of myself I think it just got hard to watch So when I started hurting people other than myself That was it I started drinking way too much Made an ass out of myself regularly Over and over again I'd wake up immediately filled with regret From what I said or did the night before And as I was doing this I was ignoring very real problems I was facing I couldn't get to sleep sober or in my bed I said it was because it smelled like her But it really just reminded me too much of my f*ck ups I thought about that a lot Still do I had trouble living with myself It was hard to sleep alone So I started involving others in this cycle I used strangers to feel better I never did... You know Feel better And it only caused more damage to everyone involved I would see that Hate myself more for it And repeat the cycle And then I was alone The one thing I was terrified of So when it's just you It's hard to hide It's hard to lie to yourself There's no one around to blame There's no one around to hate Just you I knew there was a lot that needed to change I just never wanted to admit it So I try to run from it one more time And before I confronted it Something pretty amazing happened I started experiencing the world alone And while trying to find where I'm supposed to end up I started liking what I found I met hundreds of people Amazing, beautiful people And they all had seen so much more Than I could have imagined I learned a lot I learned that I wasn't alone in feeling this I learned that we all feel these things And I think we all kind of hate ourselves But none of us deserve to feel that When we tell eachother what what makes us so bad The other person never sees it That unforgivable nature we all think we harbour Most people see the good with the bad And it's up to us to decide what they see more of And that's where I ended up I realized that it was time to believe in something I realized that I can stop this any time I want I chose to let people down I chose to alienate anyone who actually cared and I don't want to do that anymore I want to feel loved but I'm going to have to prove that I'm worth loving So, I want to be a friend I want to matter I want to be Someone who can be counted on I want to be what they all saw in me Because it's a choice Giving up is a choice Running is a choice Lying is a choice And we have to make these choices everyday It takes commitment It'll never be easy And it may never feel right But it's something I have to do The pain doesn't ever go away Trauma just kind of slides further and further to the back of your mind One day it won't hurt so much I choose to believe that Whatever happens will happen The people who I blamed were only catalysts They were a totem for me to project all of my bullshit on I'll still probably hate them for a very long time But one of them gave me the best drunken advice I've ever received