Perplexed

Reminiscing bout the times I was only thirteen in my eighth grade class When I first started rappin' Got it stuck in my head the time when everybody around me Told me I would never ever make it happen Hate being alone for most of my life But I know that most of these niggas be cappin' Hate the type of niggas that be telling me "I won't stop you from doing what you like as long as you're happy" Cutting people off left and right Cause I'm just so sick of how these niggas try to use me How you gon' leave and move on to another nigga Then come back crying when you lose me I'm still doing me Waking up every single day recording a song like my life is a movie I'll take the blame Cause I know they'll leave once I get moody Take it back, take it back, take it back To the first ever time when I said that I love you Say it back, say it back, say it back Yeah, I got to your head and I know that you want to No it's not, no it's not, no it's not Well how does it feel to be someone that's lied to? Been crossing my mind, been thinkin' about how you would feel if I told you that I never Ever liked you Like woah, like woah One moment you're here The next you're gone Oh no, oh no Sitting in the dark with tears While I'm holding a gun No don't, no don't Is what you said when I pointed the gun at my head I said no, I said no Slapped the gun out my hand Then you slapped my face Half of my life all I ever fucking tasted was pain Never once have I ever tasted love I just hope one of these days that I kill myself So I don't gotta waste no more time with the fakes If it was up to me, I would pick up the gun and shoot at your direction and yell at you to Go away It's not because I'm so wasted I just chose to walk down a path that's one way I'm just so toxic towards the people that I love I made a promise that I'll always be happy But I just don't care It was a lie, a fever dream Yeah I'm just a little boy that's far from diligent Never gave a f*ck if my dark side ever took control They said that they would try to help me but never cared when I was cold One thing I'll never let happen again is let my love unfold Taking everybody else's pain and adding it to mine It really takes a toll Who knows, one day I might do something like sell my soul Oh wait, can't get too deep into that topic, heh, story untold I'm irrelevant, I'm irrelevant, yeah, yeah, yeah I'm irrelevant, I'm irrelevant, yeah, yeah, yeah I don't think people could really understand me I'm just so perplexed Oh, you wanna talk, okay, let me hear it, okay, we're done I know I'm worthless I know it's my fault cause I've been desperately trying all these years to be perfect No matter what you try to tell me, everyday I'm still gonna feel like a burden Who knows suicide might be the right thing, who knows it might actually be worth it Suicide, suicide, suicide, I know you get tired of the same fucking topic It won't be guaranteed, but I'll try to stop, I promise Been alone all my life, so I wanna be alone in my coffin So stay away...