Can't decide

I dont wanna die but I don't wanna live I wanna be alone got nothing left to give I wanna forgive but I cant forget All the times you've told my dont you wont leave my stranded Now I'm all alone you left me empty handed All the gifts I got you that you never helded First you stole my soul then my heart like a bandit Fixed my heart then pilled off like a bandaid If you came back to me i wont let anyone near Please stand back you oh damn became my fear Excuse my mind you when you left it became unclear When your with me you make all my worries dissappear Yhen the demons just appear I feel them getting near Wasted all my tears Accepted all my sins A list of thing that I won't do 1. Have a wife I wanted it to be you 2. Having problems connecting to someone new 3. Never let anyone see the drawing I drew I've been stuck in my head cant escape like its glue Poisoned me broke me didnt do something new Now your stuck on my heart like tattoo Feel like I dont wanna live Feel like got nothing left to give I just, want someone to tell me they love me And be real, I just wanna love me Problems with my heart, think the demons got me Can't feel my body, feel like a dummy, ohh Oh, oh ,oh oh pain got me slow Breaking me down, taking me slow Oh no, oh no, time to go My mind gonna blow Got 10 seconds till next time ima fall, here comes my time 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 Oh no, hmmmm