The Filthy Farmer (a Song of the Soil)

Gobble gobble gobble goes the turkey and Wanka wanka wanka goes the duck I'm a filthy farmer and I don't give a.. fiddle-de-de I've got a lovely set of bullocks and I'm up to me eyes in muck So gobble gobble gobble goes the turkey and Wanka wanka wanka goes the duck Jack my pig, he's ever so big, I feeds him caster oil He burps and he farts and then he starts to fertilise the soil Some folks say he is just like me, I think they must be mad His eyes are smaller and I'm a bit taller and Jack doesn't smell quite so bad Gobble gobble gobble goes the turkey and Wanka wanka wanka goes the duck I'm a filthy farmer and I don't give a.. fiddle-de-de I've got a lovely set of bullocks and I'm up to me eyes in muck So gobble gobble gobble goes the turkey and Wanka wanka wanka goes the duck Parson Grey came 'round one day and he strolled into the dairy Looked all about and pulling on a cow was my little milkmaid Mary "You must be proud" said the parson out loud, "Of wonderful udders like those" "How does she yeild?" I said "Twice on the field And the cow's not bad either, I suppose" Gobble gobble gobble goes the turkey (gobble gobble) Wanka goes the duck (wanka wanka) I'm a filthy farmer and I don't give a fiddler's pluck You should see my smallholding i'm up to me eyes in muck So gobble gobble gobble goes the turkey and Wanka wanka wanka goes the duck I've got a bull called Maurice but I think he's a bit like that So I made a date for the artificial inseminator, the bull and the bowler hat The fellow came down gave squirt all 'round and then he's on his way The cows got the hump 'cause a bicycle pump ain't as good as the old fashioned way 'ere, look at all those heffers in the field over there The vet gave m' sheep an aphrodisiac to make the ewes feel randy It worked like a charm and the sheep went barmy and the poor old ram's gone bandy I said to the missus what a fine thing this is, what can them tablets be She said I don't know dear but come over here 'cause they tasted like cough-drops to me Gobble gobble gobble goes the turkey and Wanka wanka wanka goes the duck I'm a filthy farmer and I don't give a.. fiddle-de-de You should see my smallholding i'm up to me eyes in muck So gobble gobble gobble goes the turkey and Wanka wanka wanka goes the duck Gobble gobble gobble goes the turkey and Wanka wanka wanka goes the duck