Where Did the Lead in My Pencil Go?

Where did the lead in my pencil go? Who stole the plonker from my banjo? Tell me please 'cos I really gotta know Who broke the string on my yo-yo? I was a real humdinger when i was young Women buzzing 'round me like flies 'round dung I had a black bomber jacket and a gold medallion Henry Cooper aftershave and balls like a stallion But now I'm past my prime He's a bugger is Old Man Time I can't shift my gears like I did before The tiger in me tank won't even roar And I can't push me pedal right down to the floor And the goddam piston won't pump no more Who got me muscles and turned them into jelly? Took 'em off me arms and wrapped 'em 'round me belly Who took the slider from me old trombone? Who bent the needle on me gramophone? Who broke the bone that the doctor can't mend? Who took the credit from me flexible friend? Who took the wind out of my balloon? Who took me cucumber and left me with a prune I'll make a most vulgar sign If I ever meet Old Man Time I can't shift my gears like I did before The tiger in me tank won't even roar And I can't push me pedal right down to the floor And the goddam piston won't pump no more My rhubarb was rigid, it thrusted through the custard But my rhubarb's crumbled and I'm ffff flippin' disgusted I'm a creaking squeaking, leaking antique My spirit's willing but my flesh is weak But when I die and they lay me out With flowers and weeping women all about Some of those women might point and grin And say "Look rigor mortis is setting in To waste it would be a crime He's a bugger is Old Man Time" My mother said that to keep good health I never, never should abuse myself And if I had a W. a enn kay I'd shorten my life by one whole day Well actually if that were true I should have died in nineteen fifty two So really I'm doing fine And bugger you Old Man Time