Control

I just lost control again Whenever you're in need of help You keep it to yourself Whenever love is getting close you go to someone else Sometimes the things I do I know are done to spite my health Not sure that I can tell you why myself You look like you've been sitting living in a perfect hell They see the real you through the cracks in your imperfect shell I dont think it's something you can quell by the time you tell We all saw the writing on the wall So we just kept distance Zero resistance The change in tone's some shit I called It shows you're not listening Are we worth fixing? You made yourself into my only escape My being open was my only mistake I'm so hurt I changed to disguise it These actions long term turned to violence I turned all my trauma into fuel for my passion Spited my depressions, now I'm farther than imagined Sometimes I still get lost in all the ways my world collapsed around me You can never fail if you win every time you're crashing I'm laughing, you thought you put me out cus I'm reacting My insignificance has left me nothing to lose Gimme remorse, Give me a hit unforced I got plenty bounds to morph Ill do it all from my porch bitch Got up from the floor And showed yall how to be more My numbers are high scores You're stuck on high school shit I said let me find your lead Call it greed, but I need this Hated how they feed into all but me It's like it's made so I change when it pleases Started breaking down when I'd finally seen it Somehow through all this you maintain control