What I've Become

I used to punish myself for existing Thought friends were waiting on the day I went missing I pushed them back with my thoughts Convinced that I was hated I just reaped what i sought Imagined anger in jokes So every time they poked I shot back unprovoked It's not the way that I am But that's what self hatred can do to a man Let alone a man who doesn't wanna be one Let alone a kid who thinks their life lacks reason Let alone a loner losing all his day ones Every day I wake up And rue what I have become