REMINISCENT TEARS

The following song is not meant to be enjoyed Just close your eyes and listen Past year Lotta shit been going down in my mind Didn't feel like bringing it up I wanted to put it behind Closed doors Close them motherfuckers shut tight Keep Annabelle locked away And a bell to notify me when the time's right Never knew when to speak of the shit That be killing me on the inside Never had anybody I could tell Because I was afraid of a white lie Shutting me down Tryna prove a point that doesn't even exist Don't worry I have them all memorized I'll go down the list My momma was off the cigarettes For over 20 fucking years All it took was 2 blunts And I turned all her trust into tears Nearly went into a coma Didn't give a shit about my anti-depressants When I saw the way my momma was I wish I learned my fucking lesson That she taught me Which was not to smoke weed To make friends Just because I was depressed and lonely Didn't mean that I needed to be dead Didn't mean I had to find a better way to escape the pain Without talking to people who were there for me Whenever I was ashamed I lost my first ever pet last June Holding him for 5 years Although he didn't shed any fur He definitely made me shed tears When the fucking results came back He had cancer in his stomach I couldn't fucking handle it All my tears could fill buckets When I had my ear to his chest As he lay down on his death bed Heart is slowing down I'm crying waiting for his last breath And then it was over He was gone In the blink of an eye just like that Although his pain went away All of my pain came back Just months ago I lost my fucking dad Him and momma weren't getting along So they split and left me sad Confused, angry, depressed Obsessed with wanting to cut myself again I feel like it was all my fault I feel like I could have been there To have her back Lost my year and a half relationship With the person, I loved the most Dedicated all I had But couldn't fulfill the hole in her heart Of making her my number 1 Out of everything I fucking had So much on my fucking mind I wanna live this through so bad I want you to give me a reason Why I should still be alive Why I shouldn't take the easy way out And live another lie I thought I could trust everyone that I loved And doubt myself again I wanna go back and erase the people Claiming they were here to mend My heart was Broken, taken and a gift To people who would need it Didn't use it on myself An altruistic eejit Didn't think I would need it Didn't think it would put a tattoo On my arm that I'd regret An hour after healing If I was to give advice to The people that are desperate Just never allow your pessimistic mind-set To put you in a fucking casket Last year of my life Or at least that's what I planned Felt like my time on earth was over Before it even began No all of that ain't true You're such a fucking negative person Never appreciate the help you get Pretending that all of it is worthless Constantly bragging about wanting to die Think it's gonna make people happy Of course it is! The ones that'll be smiling Will be mommy and daddy Yeah, tryna fake the amount of pain You put inside of their heart When the last time they'll be able to see you Is in your own fucking coffin Man I don't know if this is making any sense Whether that be money to feed your family Or a step-back from death I know you're in debt But that ain't a reason to complain Because there's people in pain, that got it worse than you But you wanna know why they have the strength Because they grateful for the shit they got Never reminisce on the past Hold a grudge for a single moment Don't need a relationship to last Bet you missed the metaphor Cuz you're procrastinating on the vast Majority of those who look up to you And never look back I think I can finally give a reason Why I should still be alive To all of the people that were there for me Know I'm sorry for my lie I want you to know That I'm in a place where I feel Loved from your affection Gimme a chance to change who I am And I promise I won't ignore the message My heart is Rectified with no more lies I saw it in my dreams The surrealism every day became reality Couldn't get out the fucking scene Couldn't let out a fucking scream Couldn't drop out of arguments That had nothing to do with me If I was to give advice to The people that are desperate Just never allow your pessimistic mind-set To put you in a fucking casket