alone at the end of the day

Ever since I was a kid Nobody gave a bit Love to just sit Talk to me and just click Friends in the church Growing up it really hurt Getting pulled from both sides I wanted to take my life Just to feel if I'm alive To see if God is real Find the truth and sort lies Closest to me backslid Can't even run off the grid Feelings I can't hide even if I did They'd still find me and haunt me in the end All I needed was a friend I can talk to comprehend When my life's a freaking mess Taking pills when I'm depressed Numbing pain inside my chest I shouldn't feel like this Cause I know I'm be very blessed So where did I go wrong Wishing I was gone Maybe it all started when I started writing songs All I know was that it hit me in the fifth grade That was when the closest person to me ran away I know you didn't mean to leave me abandoned But if felt like I was lost and surrounded Yeah demons all around me I was stranded You had your own things going on I understand it But it left things worse in the family They said they loved everybody else except for me I didn't think about it much but it stuck with me Blamed everything on myself that was happening And now I look at myself I've been going through hell No one to call for help Throw a coin in the well Wishing that I can dwell All the pain that I've felt No one to follow oh well Soul to keep I won't sell I always prayed and knelt In the end I still fell I'm only human I fail With the issues I dealt Their only human they'll bail Last minute on you and kill All the faith that you built But I guess it's God's will Cause growing up I was always the anomaly I never fit in with any of society From a home that was full of insecurities Only thing we did was run from liberty Going out all the time just to numb the pain Drowning myself in music so I won't go insane Even though I need help I don't want you to stay I'd rather deal with it, cause I deserve to feel this way I popped some pills in my room hoping to end it all Regret the second I did it I knew the devil won I didn't wanna die but I am scared to answer my call I didn't want to live knowing I was a chosen one Runaway, fornicated and a drug addict Then another one that was messing with white magic My dad said I don't wanna die without saying this I want you know that you're a good kid But I still look at my face Thinking I'm a disgrace Feelings I can't take So I just fake And say I'm ok To avoid what you say I pick up the pace Cali I can't stay Truly I can't wait Till I'm far away Though I can't runaway From this lonely place But I still pray For a chance to change Being alone at the end of the day