Black Sheep

I woke out of sleep Couldn't find me no peace Looking for shepherd Imma lost black sheep Moisture from eyes They leak on my sheets Not feeling so cool I am feeling the heat Pick up my pen And I write to the beat How I fight fear Devil bothering me Relationship wit nigga is complicated I wonder if they laugh at me When I say it Another black boy Not knowing his history Power behind that word All of its misery The race we enslaved They relish the slur Buy their own chains On it they splurge Get myself together On verge of collapse Should I indulge in vices And suffer relapse Didn't you know There's a war on the blacks From cops and each other True stranger danger It's often your brother Smile in your face Stick a knife in your jugular My people lost lives trynna vote and gain freedoms Seems I don't care Opportunity squandered Lunacy I swear Now unto my father He wasn't in life So that love I don't miss it Wonder if he was Would things have been different Wasn't in sports Can I blame him for that We need to have sit down And get all the facts Don't really know him I know we alike Hard working energetic On the move Couldn't stay still I am mirror his image Can't really see it But hairline receded Enough about that Onto the next topic Pray people in my life to me they ain't toxic Just wanna rap Not sell my soul for profits Bullseye on back Since birth I've been a target Found relief in God's word It's been cathartic I'm awake now No time to be lethargic Wanna be just right Like Baby Bear porridge Monkey on back So I put him to work Wit time scars heal But the memories hurt Starts off real small Real gentle at first Then over the course It gets gradually worse Should know the way I was raised up in church But I went astray Stole from momma purse Used to buy ramen soup Boatload of Wrigley's Not thinking bout karma Big man I'm in Big Leagues Always had good heart Maneuvered real shifty But Gods shown mercy to me So undeservant Wylin' on streets Stealing lying I'm cursin' Do what I want To some I've been a burden I'd like to make amends to those I have wronged Made their days nights And their nights even longer Hope you see the man Don't see me as monster This year has been rough on me Did you take notice Bombed out depleted Keep goals in focus My grass that was green It was eaten by locusts Bared a lot on my own Weight on my shoulders Felt death was certain In sky I saw vultures Circlin' overhead Swoop for a taste How dare you try do good And get your life straight Not supposed to be here Man youse a mistake Righting the wrongs you've done It is too late Please do not argue Just accept your fate Why I rap on wax Wit words so poetic God has been good to me Cannot forget it Paid for my sins to him I am indebted This is my message to those who conspire Imma conqueror And yea a survivor I will never stop Perpetual motion All this from my brain I'm flame I'm J Cowan Quick to say a racist joke about yourself How sad Then get mad if they take you for a joke How sad