Venting III

Its's been a while since we been here I got a project coming soon so Three Yeah, yeah uh I seem to drink more than I used to I'm defeated, a little more than I chose to Admit to myself and the world Will I pull through? I'm not as strong as I thought I was It doesn't look good I thought I'd bruise through You should think of everybody that's counting on you to Make it to where you could open some doors God Really did choose you So get up and get to work Talking about breaks, how could you? Yeah, but right now I'm at my dark prime It's about time that I stop lying To myself about what I might find (already tried) In my grind I found a lifeline For a time but now it's flat lining In my dreams I see you praised, shining But I wake to see you frail, dying (throw in the towel) Slow violin, we lost buddy Black dudes and low riders More dudes and and more riders Printed tees, a small choir Moms and them are all crying Pastor said the lord's timing Best friend said he was so tired Still mad how could you stop trying? (mad at you dawg) All gathered in memory of Thought that I'd be something more But lately I question it dawg Have you forsaken me God? Huh? Did you bring me to the desert then forget me? I can't seem to move forward Or maybe I should count my blessings Recognize that this a test Then maybe I'll be less affected, aggressive And more effective But fact is I'm tired of faking Finding peace in situations Frankly I just need some changes Lord! Throw in a mansion, ten at least Fifty something sets of keys And the influence of the Genovese A lot of wisdom, a mind at ease Many years to my mother please For the nights I prayed myself to sleep give my heart some peace I've accepted I'm quite flawed I'm most likely far gone My love life is now showing I've been rolling the dice on it I'm not ready the time's wrong Another lover a bygone When I'm sober that fight's on Strip club till the lights on And my relationship is messy Fronting tryna convince her and myself that I'm happy Few months deep but it's been a few years since I've felt like I'm the shit and meant it when I said I'm here I'm absent minded half the time, the other half I'm out my mind Punching walls, I'm really tired Resilience I've redefined cause I've been smiling like I'm fine Either that or I'm sugar coating the fact that I'm a liar But alcohol is problem solving Been drinking until I'm over my limit but keep it going Weight of the world on my shoulders I feel myself getting colder, losing sleep and losing focus Losing faith and feeling hopeless In a striper I found solace that's how tainted my soul is Don't know if I'm coming or going I guess we'll find out on the next instalment