I Feel Like Dying

When I go through this shit i never feel there's an answer I see my mother smile in my head 'fore i do something stupid I see a body God gave me right before i abuse it I see consequence of my actions before i go through em Knives ropes sharp objects all the above I can end it all today when i'm numb enough I love my girlfriend but still for real it's f*ck that bitch I love my niggas but still for real it's f*ck my friends Mixed pills by the dresser and it's raining hard extra I miscount them on purpose i might end up on a stretcher But f*ck it if that's the blessing got more than a e for effort For all the hell that i'm living I close my eyes and see heaven I'm lost in my head can't find out what I want from me I'm his child but feel like God play with our custody I feel at peace with my demons how they come for me Staring at the sky like grandma you need some company i'm coming I had a dream last night a black car rolled up on a nigga And when he pulled his mask down it was me I stared in my eyes had the glock out ready To blast no fear like end this now i'll be happy with that I ain't attempt to run i slowly smiled I told him to shoot Then i pulled back the trigger and before i knew I woke up in a cold sweat heat on my side Not because i died in the dream cause i woke up alive I felt relieved from the scars that ain't heal ya'll ain't get to see For all the times i couldn't eat for the times i couldn't sleep For times i had to taste my tears and all the prayers ain't reach I pulled that glock out in my dream and i was almost free Woke up to a headache empty stomach and anxiety And my reflection in the mirror waving bye to me Will ya'll really miss me if it's crucial for the kid Or I go through on my latest suicidal attempt Like f*ck ya'll