Self-Confidence

Born confident, but lacking self-belief I can smash tasks, but still feelin' meek Gotta lot to say, my throat chokes when I speak Can't manifest my destiny if affirmation's what I seek No more trophies, praise, accolades All my nerves are frayed, in my heart, I still feel afraid Fear of never mattering, amounting to too little Panicked inner voices saying Jack - you too brittle I can do it, but am I deserving? Failure equals death so the work is always swerving Chasing certainty nobody guaranteed Finished seven marathons but this shit has me on my knees Maybe lack of gratitude, victim to these idle hands How can I inspire others with saliva glands? Not for lack of trying I gotta writer's cramp No sense in this mess, I need a diagram Try to stay calm when weather's inclement Inner turmoil boils and I feel impotent Creeping slowly into darkness, madness by the increment Fear is plucking every nerve like it was an instrument Evolving stalled feels like I can't adapt The room is spinning, dizzy, woozy like I might collapse Anxiety is radiating I feel the panic Frenetic, frenzied, frazzled, fearful, and so fucking frantic Stress pressure on my chest starts feeling massive Take a crack at action, end up sitting listless, passive Trapped by self-loathing, like I'm imprisoned captive Self-induced paralysis and the onset's rapid Mesmerized by my tattoos cuz I watch me bleed Don't know where I'm going or what the f*ck I need I'm conscious of my conscience, haunted by the things I see Someone shake me - wake me up from this wicked dream