Birdowner (as Seen On Tv)

These are weird times There's a widow in my street She turns her husbands into birds They've got claws instead of feet A cage is in the garden There's feathers in my phone box Screeching, squawking, it sounds like talking Damn noise never stops Birdowner See her at the market She's buying all the seed I walk right up and ask her "Is there anything you need?" I go "coo coo coo" What else can I do I go "coo coo coo coo coo" What else can I do I go "coo coo coo" What else can I do Every night she brings me in And I fly around the room There's a parrot who was a doctor There's a finch who was a clerk Two black starlings, former darlings Changed the milkman just for a lark The cops arrived at dawn Things were getting out of hand It seems she had her eyes on Every single man Fumbling with their handcuffs They wanted her to fry She was waiting in a garden Watched them piggies fly