Nothing

I met you in the first year of high school So handsome guy, so strong, oh, so cool But then I liked your then girlfriend, didn't then know me like that You and all knew, there was drama like there was hate between us Months later, we're in the same classroom Sorry for all in a note to you "Can I call you bro?" I asked you there as well and you said yes We became close, I fell for you, a love so fucking boundless Ignored the obvious red flags Suppressed all what didn't fit with your shitty standards None ever said what we were But then you told someone else, from whom I later learnt You were my all But for you I was more like nothing at all Our seats were changed and I just freaked out Nightmares happening, you ignoring me, not having you 'round Tried to be okay, my world was ending Cried in my room quietly scared of rejection Forced talking, thought I did wrong, I apologized You typed "you're a pain", we patched again, it didn't felt right Carnival week, I gave you another chance On paper all was good but still felt that sense of foreboding Thursday noon, you were so mad Asked why maybe too many times, wish I didn't do that You getting ready for break And just before you left with "you stress me" you said goodbye You were my all But for you I was more like nothing at all That goodbye so tough, but just so deserved 'Cause who am I to think that you could ever love me? And you once told me "you should love yourself" Simply 365 you were my first priority Everything you had, everything you wore Everything related to you, not the same as before All forever yours, all of you just screams Now all that talk to you make jealous, wish that was me My friend who you told what I was to you didn't lie It was so clear, this unreturned love, smoke in my sight But I can't say that all this shit's your fault 'Cause I was the one who with the wrong one fell in love Short breaks, inside jokes with common friends, long waiting, derailed love train Unreturned favors, last minute changed songs, secretly saved pictures Burst bubbles, failed conversations, spread secrets, cringey revenge Dates to remember, deep wound, novel from a line, never said birthday wish Class days without you but you there, anxious state, questions, was obsessed None to talk 'bout this, wanted "thank u, next", fake moving on, am I good? Begging to say sorry, you and calisthenics on the beach with your Capricorn friend Seeing you everywhere all the time