I THOUGHT

I thought I was in hell In the trauma of my childhood past I was with parents who held my life in their hands But I thought I wouldn't last I thought clearly They didn't have a clue Of how to raise us children They didn't know what to do So they decided to beat me turning my skin red, black, and blue Manipulated, controlling Abusing my mental and my physical state It had a bad impact on me It really, really fractured me I am damaged, good Can't you see it They were brainwashing me I thought I really couldn't be fixed After taking hits after hits And what was it for It was all for nothing So why was I ignored So I ran away from home To Billy Dilieto's house Thinking that I should quit this family Not knowing that my older sister Wanted to run away before me I knew we knew we had dramas But we didn't know each other's traumas That was taking place We didn't even speak In fear of getting beat We noticed that she was gone For more than a week, little sister And me were lined up And threatened to get beat Because we should tell them Where our sister was going And if we knew where she was going To America, we didn't have a clue We were none the wiser And not knowing what to do As the years passed by I was getting older But nothing had really changed My parents were still the same Nothing was getting better I thought I would be living this way forever But I got to go away To America with dad For three weeks holiday My sister and I came up with a plan Not to go back with that man To harm and misery now I'm in heavenly bliss Free from my mental chains From the bruises and the pains I ended up staying ten years Thank the Lord I prayed for saving me For my parents I did not miss My Uncle Winston and my Auntie Dee Who I love always They helped save me And not sending me back to England To pain and misery They welcomed me with open arms Filling me with courage and knowledge Helped me to achieve my greatest feats Because they opened up their doors To let me get the help I needed For what I'd endured After ten years I thought that I was older Came back to England But it grew colder Nothing changes Stay the same Start repeating again and again But this time it wasn't the hits It was mind control And you will obey Back to the fears I was so scared How could it still be like this Eventually I had the courage to leave When I heard the critique of a friend Who I thought she was my friend Who thought I was weak It's sadder now To this day we don't even speak I'd eventually got married To a beautiful lady named Tracey Pegg She helped me stop being stir crazy She saw the good in me The good At that time I could not see I had nightmares From time to time So I had to sleep with the light on For many years Eventually I had the courage to turn off the light But the bedroom door had to be closed real tight And obstacles left on the floor So I didn't wake up in a fright I was scared I'm getting beaten In my sleep every night When you're sleeping you have no defence I felt useless and worthless Defenceless and weak That's why sometimes I try not to sleep Thinking to myself I had committed no crime So why did it feel like I was still doing time Who would have thought that dreams would help to come my way My Uncle Winston and Auntie Dee would save the day I thought I was weak in my mind But now I'm strong I have courage to carry on And to fight the good fight To make things right Every day and every night I thought I was poor in thought But now I'm rich in knowledge to see things So clearly of what I endured And what I'm about to do But now I'm clever to create things That makes me do better Now I think I found my treasure That I thought I had lost in myself But how I found myself not to be scared of letting go the past To get the help I need From my therapist who softly said It's okay, it's okay, it's okay I know that will help my growing pains I thought I was in pain And my mind and body Who am I to blame No one but myself for being weak So now I can start healing To cleanse my mind even as I speak It will be slow, I know And it will take time But I'm sure I will be fine