Ballad Of Big Apple Hill (The Fat Man And The Ass)

Well, life at Big Apple Hill, there's much to be told Of a tale that put Big Apple Hill in a gripping threshold The Hill was often chipper, going off without a hitch Except for a big fat commoner and an ass who's rich The rich man wore a mustache under his potato nose His greasy hair was slicked back and he pointed out his toes The commoner was a fat tusker like a prune left in the sun His neck as red as his hands, he always held a gun Young Libby was adored by all with a crown upon her head Like an angel without a halo, her cheeks were rosy red The rich man and the commoner both standing in their doors Screamed across the street like an uncivil civil war The commoner waved his gun and said, "I'll show you what for!" And the rich man crossed his arms and yelled, "And I'll show you more!" The commoner was heated with a temper ugly as his wife And secretly, the rich man held a golden throwing knife The two were shouting insults without reason or rhyme The townsfolk were sleeping, this wasn't the first time The people were awoken when the country rooster crowed They opened up their doors and looked into the road And there was little Libby, she was lying on the ground Facedown in a pool of blood without a clue around The townspeople gasped and everybody mourned, alas There were two men missing, the fat man and the ass The townsfolk raised their torches and rounded up the men "Which one of you two killed her?" said the mob in unison "It wasn't me, no, no," said the rich man as he cried "I loved sweet little Libby with all my heart and mind" "Don't look at me," said the fat man, "I'll tell ya what I saw The rich prick went and done it! He's got no respect for law" "Listen here," said the rich man, "You fat pathetic hick I respect the law just fine enough, you really make me sick!" The mob all scratched their heads as they looked at the two fools And sweet young child Libby still sat in a bloody pool They put the two in chains and they wound the shackles tight As the two fools stood there, one on the left, one on the right And little lady Libby, her life was wrongly took By an idiotic ass and a fat redneck crook