Me Too

Me too And so what of joy What of food What of the taco truck on LaBrea on Venice Because cheese is important too A man I thought I could have grown to love Chose crack over me I know it was not about me I was hurt anyway Had to steal back my Impala From the Snooty Fox Back of my t-shirt Bloody from the abortion And so what of ugly Of my ugly Ugly versions of myself I have been to other people Ways I have bullied Have abused Have pawned the unhealed parts of myself onto him Too many hims to mention The random hims The ones that came and went Too many went I went too And what do I tell my son Of all of my going About the night I tried to leave forever Told myself that he would be better off The voices all agreed It took me nine months to apologize I tried to explain to him The heavy of my sadness that night On so many nights before He told me honest as he could Said it was ok Said he understood I hope he never understands Ain't I a whole person Ain't my whole life important too Is my life just the sum of my mistakes But what of my beauty My dedication My loyalty And the priceless friends I have What of that What of all the ways that I am othered All the ways I like myself In the face of all the othering What about my big love for me For the ways I touch Touch you Touch myself too Don't I deserve my own touch And what about pleasure And what is the distinction Between pleasure and joy Ain't I worthy of joy and smile What of the song of myself What I see when I look into a mirror The battlefield of emotions Going on inside my head Brother called me his wisdom Told me to call him God But what about me And the I am who lives inside Can a woman be a God too Can a man run my bath What of the ways I weigh What you think of me Over how I value myself My good time My girlish grin My unpainted toes Even the anxiety Even the depression Even the moods Many as they be What of all the days I cancel the brunch Decide against the shower And the laundry And the dishes too All the ways I choose Not to contort myself Shrink my skin and bones To fit into your flask Like a secret in your pocket And what of this new day When my no is holy When my yes is freedom This a whole sweet life ain't it A whole canvas I paint myself