1st Time

First time it happened, it felt like an earthquake Second time it happened, it took me out of first place Third time it's happened, I can't even look at your face Fourth time, not a surprise, so I stay in my lane Five times I recognize, it's not an option Six lives is enough don't need your medicine Seven years of my life wasted taking advantage 8 infinity stones keep changing my mind 9 reasons to end it all again Ten more reasons to keep my head resilient Eleven chakras telling me to try again Twelve always watching for their entertainment Thirteen pillars that pressure you in to resets Fourteen beggars setting sails across the net Fifteen wives spreading misinformation Sixteen tries before god punishes Seventeen pipes laid down for rekindling Eighteen months before the new era begins Nineteen morals to say I can't ever forget Twenty-twenty vision there's purpose in everything Will you make sense of it in the negatives or positives Digitally rewiring my thoughts in your ears Takes a lot to understand what might be underneath If you understand me, will you still support me First time it happened, felt like I knew it right away Second time it showed me that this could happen anyways Third made me realize letting go ain't a bad thing Fourth time you came back telling me that you've changed First disrespected but first to take a backhand Second time my trauma turned me and made me see red Third time my trauma came in between the colored sets Capital colonized for generations Thankful for my pops making sure I stayed aware of things Thankful for my mom showing me all her evil ways Now the world has a bi racial kid with a gifted brain Taking on anyone and anything that stands in my way Cause if there ain't no other better options This is the only way to begin again Leaving my hometown in search for what I never get Hoping for people with more positive perspectives Cause if there ain't no other better options I'll make one for myself never one to give up yet I see it's only me holding myself back I know I'll cry and weep, but I gotta stand tall For all life's involved, know it ain't just you and me I want a better world, for all envisioned to do many things Don't take it personal, if the money (yeah) start calling me If you loved me, you wouldn't talk bad about me Cause if there ain't no other better options This is the only way to begin again Leaving my hometown in search for what I never get Hoping for people with more positive perspectives Cause if there ain't no other better options I'll make one for myself, never one to give up yet I see it's only me holding myself back I know I'll cry and weep, but I gotta stand tall For all life's involved, know it ain't just you and me I want a better world, for all envisioned to do many things Don't take it personal, if the money (ugh) start calling me If you loved me, you wouldn't talk S*** about me