What's Happening?

Do you ever look at someone and wonder? What is going on inside their head? Really wish I knew, Really wish I knew what's happening? Everyday confused, don't know what to do what's happening? Always look around, then I would melt down imagining The past tense of my life all the doubt inside that's happening At least I admit, i really thought I could always spit About the pain thats been in my life because you know me I've been through shit Even though ever since day one I've had the capability Time for me to show you all what really is reality Everyday looking for answers and blessings Only receiving the cancers and lessons Circumstances lead to so many questions Why do my chances to change end in tragic? Why am I living the same stuck in habits? Ducking rejection and busting the bracket? Remain the same thinking so pessimistically Typically going insane living cynically Life on the edge and I cowered in fear I have the power, f*ck out of here Have to devour and swallow my pride Follow the teachings and preachings of guides People who generally just wanna help You not accepting it it's hurting yourself No they ain't reaching they know who you are I need to stop need to think from a far I've been Doing the same but expecting different Brain in the race, stuck in a place, how the f*ck will I admit to this? Going insane I need to change my music my delivery I need to grow, I have to go, depression it was history Piano keys and therapy was a part of me and always will I've been rapping and adapting just know I still keep it real That's my pessimistic side but there's a new realistic side One that's positive authentic ain't no fake or fallacy I'm a just do me and just follow my own policy In disguise, blessings really came my way entirely I am recognized, I'm a blessing in disguise I'm determined and ambitious you can see it in my eyes