Another New Year

This season I'll reflect on All of these things that I've done wrong I'll glaze over my past mistakes Flooded with regret of all the times that I've fallen short Of integrating my truest understandings If I could just forget all the bad memories In hopes of moving on I pray I'll move on To another new year With instant gratification for every idea Of how I could be so much better This only moment where I'll exist as myself In the future And keep the past in the past Yet somehow I find myself retract To the darkest of places again And this I just can't help but recede into I always recede into What a way to damage myself And everything that I love The gift I give to you is this self-pity For all I fail to live up to So I'll wait to start again 'Cause I hate to accept that again I'll find myself on the edge It's something I don't think you'd understand But I'll continue to try my best A loathing for not being enough Isn't that what you want? I may have feigned ignorance but those parts I won't tell Yeah, I'm no tattletale Even when it comes to myself I'll behave well But if He saw into this soul then He would know And they would call me the boy richest in coal Oh how chilling things can become when these parts fester from awareness and grow lonesome? To the point where it'll feed on you and be reckless just From boredom Is this what it's all about? Finding everything in me to hate And giving you my greatest false efforts when I never would otherwise 'Cause I fail to see purpose outside of this So why should I here? There's no significance Only hollow consoling lack thereof for believing in being open and understanding I can't wait to get home And away from All of them 'Cause I can only face this all for so long Before my head explodes and my words crush their little worlds A million times I'd explain how things could be better and they just won't budge How much room there is to judge When all that's known Is wished to be heard and shown to us Sometimes we have to look at who Points the finger and see that we continue to influence the world By all we succumb to In weakness and fear And not by what we collectively could have or want