Wretched Existence

I love and resent lying in this bed with you I yearned for something I wished I could have And put burdens on another In total falsehood, disarray Misunderstanding all that which should be true Grace This is how I know things aren't supposed to be this way It doesn't help that you're only a fraction of who you really are I'm lying with somebody else; now I'm lyin' to myself How proud I am to have integrated this Truth or else you'd resent me Yet we're still dead; Looking into each other's eyes Pleading from each other for new life Come and cuddle up with me The only thing to make me feel happy and sane in this wretched existence To have who I wish you were is to be pretending 'Cause I know you don't have faith in yourself to be anything more But I do Still, that's not enough to you For you to live as this potential I see deep down So you ran away You keep running from yourself Afraid to lose all that you yearn to love But little do you understand That if you could see the Truth to reality If you were to live up to this You would fulfill everybody's dreams, including your own Behind that self-harm and anxiety I always wished holding you could've been the one thing to make you feel okay But no words can explain And nothing is enough to cut away At that hurt, you have in your heart And now I see you wanna cuddle up with him instead Maybe 'cause we both been living a wretched existence To have who you or I wish you could be is just fake if I stay And I know you don't have faith in yourself to be so much more You know how much I hate making promises, but listen closely I promise you-you're so much more