unbothered

Two strings begin to tug I wish I am able to say it were the drugs But I shrug it off, or so I pretend I'm unable to comprehend It wasn't meant to bend It kinda depends Does my heart ache? It starts when my chest caves in on itself I wish I can make a decision Without the division But I need help Yet, i feel imprisoned These difficult questions has a tension To such an extent, my psyche may shatter It isn't for you to feel flattered My mind is scattered Can't find the purpose in what matters So I mastered the act By cracking my shell You're able to tell It isn't who I am It isn't a mask It isn't a scam I'm simply- Since I was seven I've lost relations with both of my parents Which is apparent My premise was tempered by the resentment, I felt I wasn't independent Just attempting to defend my self Yet when I was twelve I began to spiral out of control Beginning to lose hope I often hope that the end isn't a rope But nope I gotta keep it going Gotta keep it moving By removing those I wanted to prove How can I improve? I'm a buffoon I feel i'm drowning in a lagoon I wish this was untrue But I am so fucking confused On what to fucking do Who knew I be stuck I wanna buck and tell Chuck and yell Yet im under a spell That keeps in a cell I wish I'm able to swell This is my version of hell I worsen with each passing day, I curse upon the fate I wish it wasn't too late But the constant dounbt The constant change Has me feeling grey and strange I'm out of range I'm at my limit I want to change this pace I'm a mimic and change this face I'm stuck in this race Of constantly wanting to get to first Honestly, it's been giving me a thirst So, I keep it concluded in a verse If you ask I gotta reverse and pretend I'm in a land Where it isn't as bland I am able to stand without anxiously shaking my hands I'll be honest, I hate to admit I am a broken man I had a plan to end my life With letters that were a knife The deadline was July The twenty second Where I dose off in the tub But the melatonin simply wasn't enough I was eight Buying soda from the vending machine To never able to give my step-father the peace He needs I plant seeds that allow him to think I'm changing for the better And yet, I wish I could kill that mother-fucker But as the eldest brother How would my brother react? Would my sister be glad? I wish it wasn't so bad Yet I can't seem to find a moment to relax I'm constantly on guard For the next unfortunate circumstance As a series of unfortunate events Continues to laminate my descent I love and care I take it on the chin I wish I can say I am happy that this is a win As I'm exhausted from the constant cycles we've been But perhaps I am a little harsh for how it's been It isn't typical, I'm a cynic and my own worst critic But it's critical that I am able to get the gimmick I don't give a f*ck about the statistics My lyrics reach the part of your soul It's my flaw but it's what makes me whole As my goal is simply as can be I reach to you Through a microphone I simply want to find a place to call home This is my flow, And I can't let it go