1st (& 2nd) Christmas Alone

'Twas my 1st Christmas alone, and this year makes it 2, do I miss my home? Sure do, but if I go back it won't be long Before I do what I would've if I ain't move on, I'm just sayin', 'twas my - 1st Christmas alone, this year makes it 2, still I'm all alone I play it cool like I always have... But, now, I'm man enough to say I miss my mom & dad And maybe even both my brother and my sister We used to say there's brotherly love, and there could never be a blister Now, we've grown up But we're still petty and we're stubborn and we've lost touch Maybe it's my fault... no, wait, it couldn't be All of us have got our problems but we shouldn't be, split in 3 Genuinely, I did what I could Over the course of many years, when we're together, we're good There was a time when big bro was my bud And yeah, I've pushed him but I know what he can be, he's blood Onto my sister, she that knows I love her So many traits of hers remind me of my mother And that's a good thing, mostly Cuz ain't nobody perfect, even microscopic; closely - most see Everything's perfect on the outside - about time I'm sayin' what I've felt for such a long time I miss my fam, I hope it's obvious And don't take none of this to heart because it's me who's havin' problems with - Let's just save it for the next verse Let's just say it's kinda shitty having no one when your chest hurts 'Twas my 1st Christmas alone, and this year makes it 2, do I miss my home? Sure do, but if I go back it won't be long Before I do what I would've if I ain't move on, I'm just sayin', 'twas my - 1st Christmas alone, this year makes it 2, still I'm all alone I play it cool like I always have... But, now, I'm man enough to say I miss my mom & dad Jon & Lizzy were supposed to come over I even had a place to host 'em but they both got the 'rona Guess it's over... nah I'm lying Cuz it's not that serious and they're doin' just fine Let's not get into that, I'll hold back but it's really hard Knowing that the world ain't gonna go back Maybe, I should change my attitude Maybe, I'm sick of bein' lonely thinkin' nobody's compatible Last year, I almost paid the price and flew back when Jonesy left, but I didn't It was too soon, and I knew that people would've thought that I was quickly quittin' van livin' In hindsight, how stupid? I shouldn't give a shit what they were thinkin' But I was off of the fluid A sobering feeling realizing ain't nobody give a shit, damn Low key, it's feels good being missed, man 'Twas my 1st Christmas alone, and this year makes it 2, do I miss my home? Sure do, but if I go back it won't be long Before I do what I would've if I ain't move on, I'm just sayin', 'twas my - 1st Christmas alone, this year makes it 2, still I'm all alone I play it cool like I always have... But, now, I'm man enough to say I miss my mom & dad Tryna make it so I can give my parents everything Don't wanna make it before I find who gets the wedding ring Can't have a fake just tryna take it if it doesn't play One and done, there can't be a mistake I know I couldn't go through it I've had my time alone, a couple holidays to prove it End up solo, I'mma lose it Not even sayin' that I'm dope but what a waste of a human, damn