Dear My Old Friend

To whom it may concern. An old buddy, or a pal It's been a while since I recognized that you were even there Now wait, that came out wrong. Now what I meant was that I have changed so much that My old self feels much more like a distant memory. Do you get me? You might be ahead of me, maybe might have some of the answers You see, I've been looking for some explanations. Some quotations and confirmations You see, there's a couple of things that aren't quite fully clear I hope to pinpoint them all out so you can help me out here. Lend me your ear Now off the bat, first on the agenda, why do I remember so much? Why do simple conversations become talking points for later? Why do I remember the slightest details, like a complete mental record of Everything that seems to come my way. I'm not exaggerating I mean, sure, it's helped me out like once or twice, now just for instance Just a year into guitar, and I've played music for all to hear I have my own discography that I created from blood, laughter, and tears I've played at open mics and music gigs and anywhere that's near But why do I hear the pitches and the frequencies and the screaming And the shouting of my past mistakes? It makes things complicated I hear a thousand voices telling me I'm making the wrong decisions And I can't rationalize my humanity. So I think I'm going insane I'm left with all the love to give to anyone who wants it Yet I'm stripped of all the tools to build the bridges to support it I'm left with all the trauma of a person who no longer exists And I'm left with a thousand questions with no answers that seem to fit I hate the fact I look and just see nothing but disgust My subconscious just warns me that there's nobody that I can trust My subconscious just warns me that the people that's around me Are a bunch of fucking hypocrites that I can't ever trust I don't know why, I'm filled with so much anger and frustration Is it at myself? Or someone else? There's no particular direction But the ups and downs of life sometimes feel like a downward spiral I'm so sick of my thoughts. I feel so coarse, horrid, and vile But I swear, I try to walk around with nothing but a smile But we all know that it's a fucking lie, but hey, I gotta try so I don't give others the satisfaction of knowing that something is wrong I don't give others the advantage of proving that all my efforts are wrong So I come to you, my dear old friend, so you can tell me how it is I can't go to anyone else. They just don't get the jist Of my unique situation that everyone else in the world faces Is this my eternal punishment for the both of us trading places? Dear my old friend I can feel the pain you're in What can make it right again? Is this the end? Is death supposed to feel like this? This endless void leans in to kiss Dear my old friend I'm a creature trapped in a corner Don't know if I'll last any longer I feel alone Despite these friends and loved ones I don't think it's enough Dear my old friend Why can't I ever trust? My mind has run amuck "Think positive" Is nothing but a band aid These scars can only fade Dear my old friend Maybe I'm ungrateful Or maybe I'm pretentious But we both know These thoughts went on and on Rather scream from the top of my lungs