When You Said You Wanted to Be Friends (feat. Alana Azlan)

I always wondered what life would be like if we could control time Like a video strip - in a continuum Where we could skip to the parts that matter And maybe alter outcomes at a whim That thought crossed my mind when you told me it was over When you said you wanted to be friends I wanted to punch you in the face I wanted time to rewind to the few seconds right before you said that I wanted to see the words fly back into your mouth and I wanted to sew it shut I wanted to freeze your face in that instant to see if there was any reluctance My mind flashed back to the beginning when we held hands And I was so relieved to know that your hands Sweat just as much as mine do And to the time we had our first kiss And how new and awkward it was Because it seemed like I was indeed your first Like a microscopic lens it zoomed in on my heart That was then being resuscitated back to life I fast forwarded to the time you said you loved me You didn't actually say it, you texted me a picture Of those three words written on a dry leaf Of all things, You always had a way of expressing Yourself through still photographs Whereas I have always needed words to breathe My memory sped up to the night we got Hot and heavy in the backseat of our friend's car It went back as far as I remember you filling Me inside the spaces of your heart Which wasn't that far back And after those few seconds of silence that Seemed to span the length of days in mental time travel I just stared at you, aghast. I didn't know what to say Because all the right words were lost on me And all thoughts of that day were quickly replaced I don't even care to recall the details of it all Because I know no amount of self-help articles Or chats with girlfriends could help erase That sentence from my brain I think we should just be friends The first time it replayed in my head I stood in the rain for half an hour wishing I was dead The second playback I smoked a pack and a half in one day The third time around was the same night My mother found a hickey planted on my neck By another man, the size of a Reese's peanut butter cup I keep wanting to rewind and edit out all the mistakes And start again when our love was still a game of Press and play that amounted to a mixtape No shitty tracks yet, just the good ones back to back But we pushed each other's buttons - you kept Hitting forward while my finger would always linger On pause all because I wanted to be stuck in the past But as much as we would like we have no control over time Because life is not a VHS tape it's not a pre-recording or a playlist There are no parts we can skip out on No time-altering elements here No slow motions no fast-forwards just pure unadulterated play And sometimes you will only learn the Value of a moment when it becomes a memory So as much as I wanted to punch your face I just stuck with what I do best I hit the stop button and walked away