Gruesome & Grey

Now that I know that I will lose all my hair I'll make sure I'll keep hold onto what's there Speak to me I'll listen close, I swear Until I turn your warming smile into a glare Today, I turned myself gruesome and grey I wonder what I'll hate myself for today? What mind game will I choose to play? What embarrassment will I choose to display? Cause I can't stop living upstairs Can't act like nobody cares If I sit still for too long I'll sink into my chair Can't act like nobody cares I convinced myself no one loves me today For the first time I'd love to run away Does nobody have a spare brain to share? I manage to turn a warming smile into a glare Orange leaves Sweet pumpkin pie Coffee and a porcupine The ocean and a sailing boat Outside in a yellowing coat Orange leaves Sweet pumpkin pie Coffee and a porcupine Your eyes will grab me by the throat This isn't the timeline I wrote