Empty

I don't know how it happened, but it just fucking did It was so easy when I was a kid Growing up had come with so many doubts My insecurity had a special kind of clout It was in one ear and right out the other Surely they lie just to make me feel better I started raising my standards to prove myself But I didn't realize what it was doing to me I was raising the bar before I could even grab it The end got farther while the weights got bigger It started leaking into everything else It wasn't just what I was doing, but it was myself I looked in the mirror and didn't like what I saw I wasn't enough I wanted to fix it Like a switch turned on, it was all I could think about What I ate, when I ate, I wanted complete control Starve But I had none Binge The voices screamed Purge You're not good enough Repeat You're not enough I'd convinced myself this was what I needed to do And I needed to face it alone, it was my burden My brain was so foggy everything became a blur Always tired and confused, cold and alone I couldn't allow people to see me like this So I put on a mask, but I wasn't me anymore I was the doctor and the patient, self-diagnose the situation But the voice was always there Beckoning me to get back inside the cage, promising security and happiness I knew it was wrong to listen, and yet Demons call my name, promising life inside the cage My thoughts turning dark, but somehow I was not afraid Starve And that's what scared me the most Binge The voices screamed Purge You're not good enough Repeat You're not enough I don't care much for myself But I want to exist for others To help those who are in need The way I wish they'd help me I don't have a reason why And yet I just keep on going Get up, time after time I may be weak, but I have not died Empty Look how in control I am Empty Look how strong I've become Empty Look how much I've improved Empty I know this is what I want