I Need To Throw Up Again

I need to throw up again Today I really wanna be perfect Take off my dress and truly feel that I'm worth it Sometimes I find I think I do it on purpose Cause deep down I just know I deserve it "I don't know what to do with myself… … and I don't wanna feel anything" (Yeah I know I deserve it) "I can't stop looking at myself in the third person… … lately, it feels like the walls have eyes" When I was dying everything felt so worthless But now I'm better think I might have preferred it Why the f*ck do I keep feeling nostalgic? Honestly, I'm really tryna unlearn this Twenty thousand rooms I could be in Talking to my friends is just like talking to demons Talking to myself is just like talking to my father Rather make up some excuse to go the bathroom Empty myself out because I need to throw up again You only see so much on the surface Pick up my toothbrush and I start to get nervous Sometimes I wanna peel my skin off and burn it Flesh only looks good when it's thrown in a furnace I'm in my bedroom but I kinda feel homesick See my reflection in a pool of my own sick Wanna look pretty when I die, I've rehearsed it Something so pretty about rotting in public Twenty thousand rooms I could be in Talking to my friends is just like talking to demons Talking to myself is just like talking to my father Rather make up some excuse to go the bathroom Empty myself out because I need to throw up again I tried to tell you but I'm glad no one heard it They'll only help me if I cause a disturbance Without the pain to make me pretty I'm dog shit How could I tell myself I'm pretty without it? Teeth rotting, Hair falling , Nails chipping, Bones Jutting out, skin tearing, blood spilling All the things I put myself through I still went through with The internet knew I was dead before you did I need to throw up again I cannot take this anymore