The Tale of Mary Anne

This is the tale of Mary Anne with laces tied too tight Never learned to give a damn She knew not wrong from right (Doh) Throwing the greatest parties known to man Infused with glamour, glitz, gallivanting, and scandal (Oh) At the house of Misses Mary Anne The liquor was the prosecuted vandal Tying up her laces in the morning was the maid (The maid! The maid! The maid!) Juliet Casebo Kanna-Beep-Bilo-Viber was her name (Don't ask, I don't even know...) Seventeen, a little squeamish and confused She knew not whether (Ooh) The corset of Misses Mary Anne was to be tied-up tighter than a tether And how Misses Mary Anne gasped As the cords about the grommets fixed fast Never not noticing time From her fate-filled withering lines (Ugh!) Well, anyways, we're back on track as guests line silver plates Escargot, saffron, and caviar, remarks of fine estates ("I just LOVE what you've done with the place Mary!") Juliet is running rampant Shaking hands, kissed cheeks, and Praying to God for strength to keep all the drunkards off the skating rink Meanwhile Miss Mary Anne is toasting, "One more drink!" "One more drink! One more—" Now here's the part of the story where something miraculous happened Miss Mary Anne took off both her shoes (What?!) Swear, it actually happened! She stumbled off alone, when all were busy laughing and flirting She saw the years of her youth in clouds about her cigarette burning She longed for more than pleasure and beauty, money, for more than fame She longed for more than power, for more than ecstasy by her name She longed to cut off every lace of life that caused her emotion So she took her shoes off She threw them down right into the ocean And feet as bare as grass, she climbed this beaming tower of light Puffing her cigarette smoke and gasping hints of air with each flight And as she reached the top, Miss Mary Anne reached down for her corset But it was too late For she found the laces upon her final breath And she gasped And she fell Miss Mary Anne's falling From the tower now But no one's looking her way So she throws her laces High above her Free at last, one might say And in watching them fly Floating up to the sky She gives one final cry Singing, "It was all worth it—" "It was all worth it" That's the tale of Mary Anne, there's not much more to say Except feathers and festivities won't save you from the clay Juliet proclaims that corsets are the worst of man's creations After all, a tied-up waist should be no means for celebration Before you tie your laces, make sure you know why Do not climb the highest tower if there's smoke still in your eye Glamour, glitz, and gallivanting always find their way to scandal And to gorge yourself of liquor means you might un-light your candle (Doh, doh, doh)